The Worst Kidnappers
by green-eyed-coconutt
Summary: Isabella Swan, the famous daughter of politician Charlie and A-list actress Renee. Edward Cullen, first-time kidnapper. Their encounter will make their lives...Rated M for later chapters. Updates weekly.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters**

**This is going to have some sex later, so it's rated M. Also, be warned: This is not a realistic story. AT ALL. In any way. This could never happen in the real world, I know. So no complaining later. **

**XXX**

"So, what do you think?" Jessica gave a twirl, making the flowing dress she was wearing wave, and looked expectantly at me. "Hot or not?"

I pretended to think and eyed the dress critically, knowing full well she would get the dress whether I said yes or not.

"Hot. Mike's going to love it. Pink is definitely your color."

Jessica laughed "You know what, I think so too! Okay, let's buy it," she decided, stepping into the changing room and closing the door. "You sure you don't want anything Bella?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure, Jess. I…" _Okay, Bella, deep breaths, she won't kill you, breathe in, breathe out._ _Here goes nothing…_ "Um, see, I don't…I don't know if I'm going anyway," I rushed out the last part, and then waited for her reaction with bated breath.

3…

2…

1…

"WHAT! Isabella Marie Swan, you are going to the party if I have to get Emmett to drag you by the hair and sit on you to stop you escaping!" Jessica fumed at me, outraged that her claim to fame would be deserting her at the one party where the paparazzi were sure to be.

Jessica and I had been 'friends' for the past year or so, and although I suspected that she didn't like me one bit and only used me just so that she would get an occasional picture on the front of some teen magazine, I didn't complain. Jess was nicer than some of the other bitches that followed me around, and at least she was completely up front about using me for publicity. She never denied the fact that she wanted me at parties so she could climb the social ladder. And at least she didn't drool over Emmett, my bodyguard.

I first met Emmett when my dad and I conducted interviews with tens of thousands of applicants from all over the country. Apparently, being my bodyguard is a very desirable job to have. We had just finished interrogating a guy who, quite frankly, scared the crap out of me, when Emmett walked into the room wearing a shirt that said 'FBI: Female Body Inspector'. He walked right past the chair across from my dad and me and plunked himself down on the sofa next to me.

The first thing that sprang to my mind when I saw him was _Oh God. The Hulk reincarnated_. My father passed him a form and asked him to tell us about himself and his hobbies; Emmett replied that his name was Emmett and he liked girls, margaritas and Sex on the Beach.

"I'm sorry, what?" Charlie had asked, clearly praying that he'd misheard and that Emmett would turn out to be a normal guy looking for a slightly abnormal job.

Emmett leaned forward, and said, very clearly and very slowly: "My name is Emmett Cullen. I like girls. They are the female equivalent of Superman without his cape and tights. I also," he continued, winking at me, "like Sex on the Beach. It is a drink. It is also something you do on the beach. I like both. Do you have any questions?"

He caught me laughing and turned to me. "I think Charlie Chaplin has hearing problems. So, you must be Isabella. That's quite a mouthful isn't it? What about-"

"-Bella," I cut him off. "You can call me Bella." Emmett scrunched up his nose comically and considered my offer.

"Okay, so Charlie and Bellsy. Nice. Cute. So, Charlie Dickens, your daughter's off limits, correct? Don't worry, Bells, you're not my type anyway." He grinned and nudged me, ruffling my hair.

"What do you think of the receptionist?" he asked me in a very obvious stage whisper.

My dad almost had a heart attack, but I decided I liked Emmett and hired him on the spot. Charlie fired him not two hours later, but of course I hired him back again. Now, Emmett's been working with us for seven months and he's been fired 32 times already. He, of course, finds it hilarious that he has my approval and his life's goal is to get fired and re-hired 671 times before he's thirty.

I didn't think I would be able to handle my life if it wasn't for Emmett. He and Jake, the gardener's son, made life a whole lot more fun for me. It wasn't easy being the daughter of a famous actress and a politician, and they helped me loosen up and enjoy my life.

"Bella! Did you not hear a word I just said?" Jessica shook her head angrily. "Honestly. But whatever, you just need to come to this party! All the paps will be there, Bella. Don't you want me to get into _OK!_? Please, Bella?" She looked at me pleadingly. "Please?"

"Fine," I huffed, crossing my arms. "But _one_ picture, then I'm leaving, all right?"

She squealed. "Bella, you're the best! I'm going to go get ready. Pick you up at nine!"

I sighed as she ran off. I really didn't want to go to this party.

"BELLSY!" Emmett. I couldn't see him, but he was close.

"What, Emmett?" I called back, ignoring the looks from the other shoppers. "Where are you anyway?"

"I'm stuck!" Emmett replied sadly, rattling something. I grinned, rolling my eyes. Trust Emmett to get stuck in a mall. A mall! Where can you get stuck in a freaking mall?

"Um…okay…where?"

He coughed. "Well, I'm behind you in one of the changing rooms. There's a shop assistant in here with me, and …yeah. The door's jammed and I don't want to knock it out if you're standing there so…move. And tell the happy couple to move while you're at it."

I turned around and headed back for the changing rooms. It was basically a long corridor with a few rooms on either side. A middle-aged couple was standing in the middle of the corridor, hugging each other. Ah. The 'happy couple' Emmett was referring to.

"No, Cindy, I love _you _more!" The man chuckled, kissing his wife's nose. Ugh. Could you get any more puke-worthy?

"No, honey, I love _you _more! No one can love anyone as much as I love you!" Okaaay. Apparently you could.

"Oh, Cindy, my darling I-"

"-He loves you, you love him. How sweet! Now can you move, someone's trying to knock one of the doors down!" I pushed them both out of the way, shouted "It's clear!" to Emmett, and waited impatiently for him to come out.

When he managed to break the door down, the shop assistant fluttered off, mumbling embarrassed apologies, which I ignored. I stared pointedly at Emmett.

"What?" he asked, ruffling his hair. "I was just, you know, checking if anyone wanted to kill you with laser beams in the changing rooms or something and Anna came by to help and- Oh come on, Bells, she's just so hot!" I giggled; knowing Emmett he'd seriously been checking for laser guns in the room.

"Oops, look at the time," Emmett dragged me out of the store by my elbow, no doubt wanting to escape the charges for damaging the door. "Let's go home, Bellsy, I'm hungry!"

Somehow, we managed to escape the store without any fines whatsoever.

"You know, Emmett, you're really going to have to stop with all the hook-up-with-a-chick-and-put-Bella's-life-in-danger-while-you're-making-out-with-her stuff," I said crossly as we walked, eyeing his bags which were no doubt filled with sex toys. Emmett grinned down at me and ruffled my hair..

"Aww, Bells, you know you love me anyway," he chuckled, grinning at me. "Oh, but look at these awesome shirts I found while you were shopping with Jessica," he said, rummaging through the bags in his arms.

"Look!" he proudly held up a black shirt with the words 'Objects below are larger than they appear' and a big red arrow pointing down.

"And look at this one. It's my favorite…" he held up another shirt, this time with two arrows, one pointing down and one pointing up. The arrow pointing up said 'The Man'. The arrow pointing down said 'The Legend'.

"Do you think I should wear it to that charity ball thing your parents are organizing?" he asked me, deliberating. I stared at him, wondering if he was serious.

"Emmett, the place will be crawling with politicians and A-list actors…Oh my God, you are a genius! That is the most brilliant idea you have ever come up with!" He smiled at me, pleased with my response.

"Should I go buy another one? There was this one that said 'I love boobies!' and it was awesome!" He pulled me back towards the store, half carrying me, and half dragging me. "Come on! Charlie Dickens will be so mad if I wear it!"

He suddenly skidded to a halt, and his giant grin faded slightly. "Why does Charlie hate me? I never did anything to him…hey Bellsy, you know what would make me feel better? A giant smoothie! To take away my hurt feelings at his hatred for me when I never did anything."

I rolled my eyes at his lame (and random) attempt to garner sympathy.

"Yeah, except imply that you'd made out with his seventeen-year-old daughter- which by the way I did_ not_ appreciate, call him Charlie Dickens in front of the paparazzi, spray paint his Mercedes, start a catfight between the cook and the maid, break into the Oscars and threaten to kill everyone with a black-painted water gun filled with ketchup…" He had, too. I was dragged along to the ceremony a few months ago, which was not half as glamorous and exciting as it seems on TV.. The night before, I had complained to Emmett for about an hour and a half about the unfairness of life, and Emmett, being Emmett, came up with a brilliant plan.

"A masked villain!" he'd exclaimed, clapping his hands excitedly and skipping around the room. I'd just stared at him, wondering if a 300-pound man skipping nimbly on his toes defied the laws of physics.

"What? A _masked villain_? Are you serious?" I waved my hands in front of his face to get his attention. "How is that going to get me out of the Oscars?"

Emmett smiled mysteriously, or in a way that he _thought _looked mysterious. "All will be revealed in due time, Bellsy…"

"Oh, cut the crap Em! What're you planning?" _Please let this be a good plan, please please please please!_

Emmett leaned forward slyly. "Okay. Well, you know how there's that break in between for the audience to get up and stuff…" He lowered his voice to a murmur and whispered the rest of the plan in my ear. By the end, I was smiling from ear to ear. And that was why I agreed to go to the Oscars without any fuss, prompting my parents to put me in a front row seat with Mike and Angela Weber so they could "keep an eye on me". Which suited me just fine, because it meant that I had a clear view of Emmett in a black hoodie, black converse and a black eye mask stroll up onto the stage like he owned it. I will never forget the look on the presenter's face when he grabbed the mike out of his hand and pulled out his (toy) gun.

"Okay people, we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way. I have a gun; it's pointed at Brad Pitt's head. If you shoot me, I shoot him.. Capiche?" Without waiting for an answer, he continued. "I want all your money, all valuables: watches, purses, wallets, jewelry, everything."

_Wait_, I thought, as there was a huge scramble to get purses and remove earrings. _This isn't part of the plan. Well, Bella, it's Emmett, just go with the flow. _I slowly started to take off my necklace. Mom caught my eye from her seat across the room and she mouthed, 'Don't worry, we'll be fine' to me.

Emmett winked conspicuously at me from up on the stage. "Don't worry, everyone, none of your lives are in danger. Well, except for Brad Pitt. Because he's my get out of jail free card." Brad Pitt paled and gripped the edges of his seat. Emmett, oblivious to this, beamed at us all. "Don't you love monopoly? I do. I could play it all day."

Liar! He couldn't last 15 minutes playing monopoly. Apparently the fact that you have to pay money and get change is way above his intelligence level. I scowled at him. Monopoly was _my_ game, not his! Moron.

Emmett was scratching his ear absent mindedly, the gun still pointed straight ahead. I could see the other security guards were trying hard not to laugh; they knew about the plan because I'd told them. I couldn't let them shoot Emmett, could I? Some of the celebrities were looking around nervously, trying to figure out if it was part of the show or not. Emmett chose that moment to scream loudly, and in a very high pitched voice, right into the microphone.

We all glared daggers at him as he laughed hysterically. "Sorry, sorry, that was just so funny! Your expressions…" He doubled over, clutching his side. "Hey, and no sulky faces! I am a mean scary villain so you will show me some respect!" He commanded, switching back to robber mode. "Now…I would like to play a little game with you all. I want someone on stage…now who should I pick, let me see, let me see…"

I groaned and buried my head in my arms. This could not end well. "ISA-BEL-LA! Yes you, Isabella Swan! Ding-ding-ding you're the lucky winner!"

Everyone stared worriedly at me as I slowly got up and walked to the stage. _Well,_ I decided as Angela mouthed 'be brave,' _I'm the daughter of drama queen Renee Swan. I might as well milk it for all I'm worth._

So as I strolled leisurely up to the steps, I gave a few sniffles and let a tear leak out the corner of my eye. Emmett applauded me, pretending to be happy that I was on stage, but really ecstatic about my little performance. I grinned back at him before pulling my face back into a nervous mask.

"Yes?" I asked him in my best timid voice.. He pretended to consider, scratching his nonexistent beard thoughtfully.

"What should I do with Charlie's angel? This is tough…yes, zis is very tough." I gave him a what-the-fuck look as he changed to a foreign accent. Of course, he didn't care.

"Vell, vell, vell. You know vat? I sink I am just going to take you vit me." He grabbed me around the waist and threw me over his shoulder as he walked off the stage amidst gasps and whimpers from the audience. "Do not vorry, Renee and Charlie, she vill be back at your house by 11 pm."

Charlie stood up furiously. "Put my daughter down immediately! Guards!" But the guards didn't attack him; on the contrary, they fell about laughing. Charlie paled and Renee collapsed on a chair. Emmett turned me around so he could whisper in my ear:

"Struggle a bit, and wait for the finale…press this button when I say now." He subtly handed me a small machine with a big red button on it. I did as he said, and we got closer and closer to the exit, Emmett's gun pointed at Brad Pitt's head the entire way.

"Bye now!" Emmett yelled as we left, and I immediately pressed the button, which made a very realistic gun sound, as Emmett shot ketchup all over Brad Pitt. Angelina Jolie fainted.

I was pulled out of my memories as Emmett chuckled fondly, remembering his short time splashed across the cover of every magazine: "Masked Villain Attempts to Murder Brad!" "Hollywood Heartthrob almost Killed by Psychopath!" "Brad's Near-Death Experience!" "Exclusive: Charlie on his Daughter's Kidnapping!"

"Ahhh…I _am_ a genius, aren't I?" Emmett rubbed his hands together gleefully, still lost in the memories. "Now let's go buy us some shirts!" He started to race off again but I dragged my feet on the floor to stop us, nearly breaking my legs in the process.

"No, Emmett, we have to go. It's already five." He pouted at me, but reluctantly turned around to leave. We were just leaving the mall when he stopped abruptly, looking seriously at me.

"Wait…did you say you were going to the party? Tonight? Mike's party?" he asked me, his forehead scrunching up adorably. I laughed up at him.

"Yeah, Emmett, I did. Like five minutes ago. You're not the quickest, are you?" I snickered at him, sticking my tongue out when he playfully punched my arm.

"But Mike will probably have a ton of security guards there…I don't think I need to come," he said quietly, watching me closely to gauge my reaction. Truthfully, I wasn't bothered. Mike was one of Hollywood's It couple's sons, and he was desperate to keep his face 'bruise-less and beautiful', hence the millions of bodyguards.

"It's fine. I can probably avoid death, kidnappers, rapists, perverts, stalkers, obsessed fans, abductors and the paparazzi for one night," I agreed, smiling angelically up at him. Hey, I said I didn't care if he stayed home, I never said I wasn't going to give him a hard time about it.

Emmett smiled apologetically. "Thanks, Bellsy. We'll do something together the day after okay?"

I shook my head at him, knowing he felt guilty for ditching me. Emmett wasn't just my bodyguard; he was also one of my closest friends, although at 22 he was five years older than me. The years didn't really make a difference since Emmett was just a really, really, _really_ big kid. A huge kid.

"Really, it's cool. I can handle being by myself for one night."

**XXX**

**What did you think? Review, and let me know! They make me smile =)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, or Twilight. **

**A/N: So here's the thing: This is basically a whole load of drama-fluff. THIS IS NOT PLAUSIBLE. AT ALL. And you probably won't get why I'm saying this until you get a bit further in, few chapters maybe. But keep this in mind- NOT REALISTIC. AT. ALL. And I KNOW it's not. So don't complain. Love you all! =) **

**XXX**

When we reached my house- well technically we reached the woods surrounding the back of my house- Emmett was fidgeting and for once in his life he hadn't uttered a word about food or girls the whole ride home. I was starting to worry, actually.

"Emmett?" I asked as he opened my door, making him look up at me and raise a dark eyebrow inquiringly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Bells" he smiled at me but it was strained and his eyes didn't quite meet mine. He started to walk up the stone pathway leading around the woods to our house- to our _mansion_- but I wasn't about to drop it.

"It's just," I continued persistently, "you haven't said a word the whole car ride home and usually you talk about food or girls or…" I trailed off, blushing. Way to be tactful Bella!

"Oh come on, you can't pretend nothing's wrong!"

Emmett sighed and turned to face me, running a hand through his curly brown hair. "I'm seriously fine. Now will you give it a rest?" he snapped. He seemed to sense that he had hurt me and he hastily added, "I'm thinking about something! Something that's none of your business! So just quit bugging me alright?" which, instead of helping, only hurt me more.

I watched him as he stalked through the front door, and then followed him slowly. As I dumped my bag on the floor, Anne-Marie, our housekeeper smiled at me.

"You're back, ma cherie?" she said warmly, hugging me. "What was, er, up…oh no, Emmett taught me to say this only yesterday! What was…up with the stick up Emmett's ass?" she beamed proudly at me, winking.

Yeah, she's French and she has English problems, which makes her very gullible to Emmett's many pranks.

"Um, Anne-Marie, that's great, but you might not want to say that in front of Mom and Dad. Try 'Why is Emmett upset?' with them, 'kay?"

She swatted me as I started to climb the stairs. "Ah, Miss Bella, you are thinking I don't know what 'stick up ass' means! But I do!" she winked at me again, making me laugh.

I flopped onto my giant bed in my room. My bed is the only cool thing in the entire room. The blanket and headboard are blue and white, matching the rest of the room. But my bed is _round_! How awesome is that? Ugh, Emmett's rubbing off on me. Even my internal monologue is using 'awesome' now!

Just then a knock at the door startled me out of my reverie.

"Bells can I come in?" Emmett called from outside my room. I considered.

"Will you be nice?" I asked slyly.

"Yes! I'm in!" Emmett bounced into the room, looking round excitedly as if he'd been gone for years.

I raised my eyebrow at him. "So…"

"So…I'm sorry" Emmett sat down on my bed and gazed puppy-eyed up at me. "I'm going on a second date tonight…" Wait, what? "…And I was nervous so I was irritable with you". I squealed and ran to him.

"You're going on a second date? No way!" I rocked on my heels expectantly. "Tell me all about her!"

Emmett shuffled and avoided my eyes, blushing slightly. "Her name is Addie and she's a S-E-X-B-O-M! And I really like her"

I pursed my lips, annoyed. "Not enough info! When I go out you pump me for all the details". He did too. I went out with a guy called Eric last year, and when I came back I found out Emmett had been shadowing us the whole time. And it had nothing to do with my safety…oh no, it was all for his own personal amusement. When I returned home he sat at the table with his feet up, eating cheerios and demanding to know if I 'french-kissed on the terrace' and 'was Eric by any chance gay' because he kissed my hands and 'only gays and French guys do that'. Yeah, that kind of blew his cover.

"And FYI, sex bomb has a b on the end"

"I knew that!"

"Of course you did"

"Whatever Bellsy. Get dressed now, it's time for my date and time for you to PAR-TAY!" He jumped up and danced out of my room, shaking his butt comically and singing "Par-tay, par-tay, par-tay! Bellsy's gonna par-tay! Yeah!"

"Oh my God Bella, you look gorgeous!" Jessica squealed as she took in my appearance. "And Mike phoned and said the paps are wild tonight! So if you stick with me I'm sure to get on the cover of _Cinnabon_ at least"

I stepped outside with her and hailed a cab. Yup, I, Isabella Swan, daughter of Charlie Swan and Renee Dwyer, possibly the most famous famous-for-doing-nothing teenager in Hollywood, hailed a cab.

"Mom, we're leaving! Bye Emmett!" I called, waving even though I was pretty sure neither of them could hear me, let alone see me.

"Bye Bells! See you later squirt!" Of course Emmett heard; he has ears the size of an elephant.

We reached the party a few minutes earlier but Jessica for some reason insisted that we had to be 'fashionably late' so we sat inside the taxi for half an hour until the time was deemed suitable for Jess to make her grand entrance.

I stepped into the house nervously, dreading the evening. I hate parties like these: either I'm stalked by paparazzi or I'm harassed by idiotic boys who can't take a hint. Today, apparently, it's going to be both. I groaned internally as Tyler Crowley, one of Mike's rich friends and the well-known weed-seller of Hollywood, waltzed up to me.

"Hey Bellaaaa!" he slurred, swaying slightly. "You wanna daaance?" he rubbed my ass suggestively.

I edged away from him. "No, Tyler, I'm fine thanks," I said, praying he would leave. No such luck.

"But Bellaaa, we make such a hot couple!" He leaned in closer, spraying me with his alcohol breath "Let's go upstairs…I can't wait to see you undressed!" he winked groping my ass. I wrinkled my nose in disgust.

"No! I don't want to be your next lay, so just leave me alone you perv!"

Tyler glared at me. "Fine then," he hissed, "But don't come begging to me when no one else wants to fuck you! You fucking prude!" He stalked off, probably to go flirt with Lauren aka Hollywood's resident slut.

I tried to act composed but honestly, I was just so tired of all these morons calling me a prude (or worse). Is it so bad not to want to jump into bed with the first guy to offer? Tyler's words had affected me more than he realized and I slowly walked towards the door, wanting to just sit down and cry but at the same time scared to let it all out _here._ I needed to get out of here. Now. 0.4 second after coming to that realization, I decided going out back would be the best option- Mike's backyard was surrounded by a forest so it should be paparazzi-free. I loved his garden- it was huge, the size of a soccer field and surrounded by brick walls, except for right at the very end where there was a low wooden fence.

I once asked Mike's mom why there wasn't a brick wall at the end too, and she told me it was almost impossible to reach the part of the forest their backyard faced. Plus, apparently it was bad feng shui or some shit like that.

I stumbled over the steps as I went outside- typical me- but instead of hitting the ground as I expected, a pair of cold arms caught me. I shivered at the feeling of the arms around me and turned to see a young man smiling as he straightened me.

I edged away from him, suddenly anxious. God Bella, just relax. He's just a guy, enjoying a party, probably came out here for a smoke. Relax.

"Hello," he said in his rough voice. I gave him a small smile in return and studied him closely. He was well built and had wavy blond hair- he looked like the kind of guy you wouldn't want to mess with: sort of cute but seriously creepy. Another man was standing behind him, also with blond hair but shorter, and this man looked kinder somehow.

The first man, the one who caught me, was staring at me. "I'm James; that's Jasper," he said, walking closer. I saw Jasper slowly lock the garden door from the corner of my eye. _Shit_. "You wouldn't be Isabella by any chance would you?" James continued.

I nodded suspiciously, inching away from him and bracing myself to run when James smirked and gave a slight, almost imperceptible nod. Suddenly Jasper turned me around roughly and clamped my hands behind my back with one hand and put his hand over my mouth with the other, while James was pouring some type of liquid onto a piece of cloth. My heart went cold. I was going to be raped and killed by these fucking psychos! I struggled to get out of Jasper's arms but he held firm so instead I tried to focus on what my dad had taught me from his days as a cop as James advanced, holding the cloth in front of him like a weapon.

God Bella think! I told myself desperately. It's two against one, the party's too loud- you're going to have to knee him in the balls and _run like fucking hell!_

I waited with bated breath as James came closer. Not close enough to put the cloth over my mouth, but close enough for Jasper to relax his vice like grip on me. Then I squirmed out of his grip, bit Jasper's hand and quickly kicked out at James. Bulls-eye! I ignored his murderous howl and ran for my life. Jasper came after me with fox-like reflexes, grabbing me around the waist as I tried to clamber over the short garden fence.

"NO! Let me go!" I kicked and screamed, desperately hoping someone would hear. No way was I letting these fuckers take me without a fight! I punched Jasper hard and his head hit my stomach as he doubled over. "HELP! Somebody! Anybody! He-" Something hard crashed into me and my head spun.

James had caught up to us, taken me from Jasper and thrown me against a wall.

"Shut up, bitch," he growled, pulling my head back by my hair from where I lay dazed on the floor. "This place is crawling with paps. You scream, and I beat you. I don't give a damn about how many fucking bones I break. Clear?" he hissed, pulling my hair back to emphasize his point, making me scream again. He slapped me harshly, and I almost fainted- not from the pain, but from the sheer force of the blow.

"That's enough James." Jasper laid his hand on his friend's shoulder. "We need her alive, not in a coma from being beaten by you."

James nodded once. "Do the rest; I'll bring the truck round to the back" he said, before kicking me one last time and roughly dragging me over to Jasper, who picked me up gently, making me whimper as he touched my fresh bruises. Jasper gave me a small smile before taking out the cloth James was going to drug me with from his pocket and putting it over my mouth firmly. I didn't have the energy to resist, and I let him do it without putting up a fight. Tears rolled down my cheeks, soaking the fabric as the world slowly faded from existence…


	3. Chapter 3

Ugh! My head hurts so badly; I must have a hangover. Funny, I can't remember drinking anything last night. I can't actually remember anything about last night at all…A sudden sound to my right startled me and I stiffened, wondering what it was. It sounded suspiciously like a knife being sharpened.

Jesus Bella, you're such an idiot. Opening your eyes would be a nice way to find out, don't you think? I decided to listen to my inner voice and opened my eyes slowly, squinting at the light. I blinked a few times to get the sleep out of my eyes and looked around, shocked to see a man with light blond hair sitting on a table next to me who was in the middle, surprise surprise, of sharpening a knife.

"Who the fuck are you? Get out of my room!" I yelled at him, my voice hoarse and my chest hurting for some reason.

I stood up shakily as he looked up and smirked at me. "Ah. You're awake. Well this ain't your room, sweet cheeks." I could swear my heart stopped for a second and I looked around wildly, my breathing accelerating as I realized he was right. This _wasn't _my room.

"What? What the hell is this? _Where_ the hell is this? And like I said before, who the fuck are you?" I jumped up from the mattress I was lying on and faced the guy, who seemed amused. I tried desperately to remember the events which lead up to my being here, but I drew a blank. It was all too blurry…I looked to the man for help after trying fruitlessly to make sense of the fuzzy pictures.

"Think, sweetie. I'm James. What happened last night?" As he said his name, the memories rushed back at me at once and I stumbled, trying to sort through them. The party…Tyler upsetting me…going outside…James catching me…Jasper…Oh _shit_. I paled. James, who had been watching my face carefully, laughed cruelly.

"Yes sweet cheeks, you're kidnapped. Deal with it." Fear rushed through my veins and my head spun dizzily. Kidnapped? How? Who were these people? You can't imagine the fear I felt at that moment, stuck in the house with James. You hear about kidnappings and murders all the time: in the newspapers, on TV, at work, at your friends' houses…but you always think you're safe, that it can't happen to you.

James leered at me. "Now you better sit down and eat what the boys left for you or I might just be so tempted with you in those pajama shorts that I won't be able to control myself, even though Jasper 'ordered me'" he made air quotes "not to" he finished and winked. I immediately got his meaning. He meant that he wanted to rape me. I tried not to cry as I sat down painfully and looked around.

I was in a dingy apartment, in the living room I think. There was a dirty old mattress on the floor, which I woke up on, and a table to my right, which James was sitting on. A small open kitchen was just visible from my spot on the floor, and there were five other doors as far as I could see: the main door leading into the apartment, which was padlocked; a door that was slightly ajar and I could see was a bathroom; and three others which most likely led to single rooms. So there were three bedrooms, and they'd put me in the living room. That meant that either a.) They were bozos b.) There were more than the two who kidnapped me or c.) All of the above. I would put my money on c.). Come to think of it, James _had_ said "the boys" got my food. Great. Just perfect. I'm stuck with two blonde psychos and at least another psycho.

I sighed dejectedly, and immediately I felt a sharp pain in my chest, flaring up around my ribs and chest. Fuck! What the hell has he done to me? The pain was unbearable, and I sat deadly still for a few seconds, praying it would subside, and thankfully it did lessen, although a dull ache remained.

_Note to self: avoid sighing._

I picked at the thin sticky turkey sandwich "the boys" had so kindly left for me. Note the sarcasm. After trying to swallow the tasteless food, I decided to examine myself for more damage instead. My arms were a mess: scattered with bruises from where James had thrown me against the wall. I risked a peek down my shirt and it was worse. There was even a cut with dried blood although God knows how that happened. My head had a massive bruise on it, but thankfully I don't think I had a concussion. My chest still hurt badly though, even when I moved it slightly to breathe.

Just then, a loud knock at the door startled James and he swore as he dropped the knife, which clattered to the floor noisily.

"Come in! Jeez Louise, you have the keys!" James yelled snarkily, picking up the knife and brushing imaginary dust off of it.

I heard someone groan outside. "For God's sake James, just open the fucking door! Our hands are full!" Jasper. That was definitely Jasper's voice.

"And we haven't even seen the captive yet!" Another voice joined Jasper's. If it was possible to fall in love with a voice, I've done it. That voice was…wow. It sounded like velvet wrapping around me and-

Shut up Bella! I cut off my train of thought. He's a psycho kidnapper so don't you dare fall for his voice! He's probably an old balding guy.

Perfect. I'm talking to my own inner voice now. I am officially crazy.

While I was conversing with my inner voice, James had opened the door, grumbling about 'lazy inconsiderate mules'. I saw Jasper come in, his arms full of groceries, followed by two other men whose faces were hidden because of all their bags. Wait, _two? _Shit. Four against one. If they want to rape me or stab me or kill me or beat me or do whatever the fuck they want, I can't do anything…well I'm not going down with a fight. If they're going to hurt me, I'm sure as fuck going to kill at least one of them.

The two other men with Jasper walked off to the kitchen, leaving him with James.

"So where is she?" Jasper asked, not noticing me. "Still knocked out?" James gestured towards me on the mattress, and Jasper's eyes widened to see me up.

"Hey sweetie, how do you feel?" he asked coming to sit by me on the mattress. I scooted away. "We're not going to rape you or…kill you or anything," he smiled at me and for some insane reason, I trusted him.

"Maybe the occasional slap though," James butted in. Jasper raised his eyebrow but said nothing. I felt my heart rise- Jasper wasn't going to hurt me, I was sure of that. He wasn't on my side, but he wouldn't hit me. That left James and the other two.

"Edward I think she might need you to check her over," Jasper called to the one of the other two men who were in the kitchen putting the bags away. They both turned around and I almost swooned at the guy on the left. He was the most gorgeous guy I had ever seen. So much for old balding man. His smoldering green eyes met mine and I was transfixed, my insides melting. I sternly reminded myself that he was a fucking _kidnapper _and tore my eyes away from him to the man next to him, and regretted it instantly as I gasped. Emmett! He looked shocked to see me awake, probably hoping that I was still unconscious.

"Emmett? Why are you here?" He avoided my gaze, flinching slightly as he saw the bruises which lined my arms. "Emmett? Emmett, you're not- you're not with them are- are you?" My voice cracked at the end as realization struck and a few tears leaked out of my eyes and traveled down my cheeks.

"Emmett, go inside" Jasper took charge, seeing I was about to break down. "We need Edward to check her over; James used her as a punching bag last night. He can't if she's crying or screaming at Emmett". Emmett spun around and glared at James.

"You did _what?_ I told you not to touch her!" He shoved James against the kitchen counter. "Get in, drug her, get out. We agreed!" James stared back, unfazed.

"Well the bitch was running around screaming. I had to do _something_". By this point I just wanted to lock myself in a room with Emmett and punch him to a pulp. He betrayed me! I thought he was my friend…I thought he loved me. I thought of him as my big brother; he called me his little sis…what happened to that Emmett? I was hurt and confused and angry and furious and I wanted to kill someone. Jasper saw and put his hand over mine before turning to the men.

"Emmett get _out!_" he growled, jerking his thumb towards one of the bedroom doors. Emmett stared at him for a second, glanced over at my bruises, then at James, swore and angrily walked into what I'm assuming is his room. Jasper motioned for the green-eyed Adonis- _Edward_- to come over.

"What exactly did James do?" Edward asked, standing over us. "Those bruises look bad, but they'll heal fine. She was probably asking for it," he continued, grabbing one of my arms and turning it. I noticed that he was avoiding my eyes and looked down, hurt for some ridiculous reason and angry with myself for being hurt over something so small.

Jasper nodded at what Edward had said. "Great. So no broken bones."

James hopped down from the counter he was seated on and came over to us. "And to answer your previous question, she was screaming bloody murder so I smashed her against a wall. Nothing to worry about," he smirked at me. I stuck my tongue out at him. Immature I know, but who said I was mature? Edward looked up, suddenly alert.

"Against a _wall?_" he groaned, hitting _his _head against the wall in exasperation. "James, this whole thing is for money! We don't need to spend anymore on medical supplies!" I rolled my eyes, annoyed. Of course he would be more worried about the money than me. He noticed my eye roll and glared at me.

"Watch the cheek. I don't think I'll be so nice now," he snapped. Like he was planning on being nice anyways. He kneeled down in front of me. "Breathe deeply," he ordered. I shook my head defiantly, purposefully taking short shallow breaths. Hey, if he was going to be rude, who said I would cooperate? Edward growled and raised his hand threateningly.

"We can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way. You choose."

"Fine I'll breathe deep," I muttered. "Don't get your knickers in a knot, retard." Edward's frown deepened and I saw Jasper put his hand warningly on his shoulder. I braced myself and slowly breathed in deeply. An intense pain shot through me and I doubled over and groaned at the same time as Edward.

"She's done something to her ribs!" he glared at me.

I glared right back, narrowing my eyes. "Ex-_cuse_ me you retard but it's your fucked up friend," James stuck his tongue out at me, "who 'did something to my ribs'- ow! Shit it hurts!" I winced at the sharp pain. Okay, so no sighing, breathing deeply or yelling. I can do that. Edward scowled at James and me before picking me up roughly and carrying me into one of the bedrooms. I tried not to make a sound as he (purposefully, I'm sure) pressed on all my bruises and pushed my ribs making them hurt more than they already did. I also tried to pretend that I didn't notice his sculpted chest or defined abs or the way his muscled arms wrapped around me and…ow! Fuck! He pushed my ribs again! Bastard! Oh look, what's that? It's all my nice thoughts about Edward flying out the window!

"If they're cracked or broken you're paying for treatment!" Edward called to James over his shoulder. James hopped off the kitchen counter.

"How about we just let them heal on their own and forget the treatment?"

"Very good idea." I heard Jasper thump James and laughed quietly, earning me an extra hard squeeze from Edward. He entered a bedroom and laid me down on a small gray bed in the center of the room. I pushed myself up as he went to a cabinet on the other side of the room and rummaged around for something- he had better not be planning to drug me! He came back and glanced over at me.

"Like I mentioned before, we can do this the hard way or the easy way."

"I'll take the less painful way I suppose."

"Good." Edward sat down on the bed by my side and pushed me back down. "That would be the easy way. Now take off your shirt."

I stiffened. "What?" He wasn't serious!

He raised an eyebrow. "Do you have hearing problems?" I got the feeling that he was enjoying this. "I said- no, I _ordered_- you to take off your shirt."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "No". Let him do what he want, but there's no way I'm undressing in front of him. Jasper came in then and took in the situation.

"Isabella, just lift it up," he said simply.

I slowly looked at Jasper, then at Edward and lifted my shirt- just under my chest, so he could see the bruises but nothing else. In noticed them both suck in their breath at the sight of my battered tummy, but neither said anything. Jasper nodded thank you for lifting my shirt, gave me an encouraging smile and left me alone with The Retard, closing the door firmly behind him.

Edward took the gloves he was wearing off and slowly poked my tummy. I jumped and gasped as a warm tingly shock ran through me, and apparently he felt it too because he drew back and looked at me oddly before reaching forward again.

"So is it broken? Or not?" I asked, wincing as The Retard inspected my ribs. He gave a curt nod and I huffed in indignation, forgetting about my ribs for a second, which caused the sharp pain to shoot through me again. Edward noticed and sighed exasperatedly.

"Must you make things more difficult for everyone, including yourself?" he prodded my ribs one more time before getting up. "And no, to answer your question, your rib isn't broken, just bruised. It will be painful for a while when you breathe deeply or laugh but I will give you an ice pack, which should lessen the swelling. You will also" he continued sourly, "need lots of rest, which gets rid of our plans to put you to work." He walked out of the room and I sat there fuming. An hour passed. Then another hour, me fuming the whole time. Suddenly, a knock at the door startled me out of my murderous thoughts. Jasper, Edward and James walked into the room, looking shifty.

"What did you do?" I asked them suspiciously, turning to look at them. Jasper avoided my eyes but James and Edward were stubborn and proud as ever.

"We didn't do anything," James replied. "But we need you to do something."

"What?"

"You've been here a day already, you're settled in enough; time to make a video to send to your dad."

"Woah, woah, woah! Slow down there!" I tried to think. "I never agreed to that!"


	4. Chapter 4

Edward barked out a short, sharp laugh. "You never agreed to anything, Princess. You don't have a choice!" Saying this, he roughly pulled me to my feet dragged me into Jasper and Emmett's room, probably because it was the darkest and gloomiest, the perfect setting for a kidnap. He set me on the bed and joined a whispered conversation between Jasper and James.

_They leave me alone a lot_ I thought, _They really are pathetic kidnappers. Escaping will be a piece of pie._

A video camera was set up in a corner of their room, and I wondered idly if they were going to make me cry or some shit like that. No, they wouldn't. Jasper and Emmett were here, and I'm sure with a bit of pouting I could get whatever I wanted. I smiled at the thought.

"Now," Jazz said, breaking me from my thoughts. "Emmett can't be in the video because he will be recognized. Your father has all his documents: passport, drivers license, birth certificate and all that." At my enquiring look, he added: "He really isn't the sharpest tool in the shed."

James turned on the camera and faced me. "So Emmett will be working the camera, with Jasper supervising because we don't trust him with expensive equipment. Edward and I will be sitting by you, making sure you don't say anything we don't want you to. And you, sweet cheeks, will be sobbing and pleading with your father to pay us our dough. Capiche?"

I nodded, but then something occurred to me. "How much dough, exactly?" I asked cautiously, wondering what they were going to do with the money, who wanted the money and how much money they wanted. I hoped it wasn't more than 250,000 dollars. Although my parents seemed filthy rich, they were in debt from their days before their fame, and most of our money either went to charity or to repaying the bank.

"Around a million; we haven't decided yet," Edward replied casually. "Maybe 2 or 3 million." I jumped up in horror.

"What? No! I'm not asking for that much! I won't! My dad doesn't even have that much; he's in debt, don't you retards know that?"

"Like you said sweet cheeks, we're not the best kidnappers in the business, so we didn't do extensive research on your family's background history. But we've already abducted you and we're not taking you back! So sit down, shut that pretty mouth and start the waterworks!" James snapped at me.

"No." I crossed my arms defiantly. "I refuse to beg my dad for money which I know he can't afford to pay, and I refuse to cry and sob and pretend you guys are from the mafia!"

The three of them looked at each other for a moment before collectively sighing. "EMMETT!" They yelled as one. Emmett barged into the room, holding a frying pan above his head like a weapon.

"What? I heard screaming!" He brandished the pan at us, looking around wildly for a suspicious-looking person. The situation would have been comical if it wasn't so serious.

"You were right; she said no," Jasper said to him. Emmett looked to me to confirm what Jasper said, but I didn't meet his gaze- I was extremely mad at him, and hurt by his betrayal.

Emmett finished giving me his calculating stare and sighed. "Well then Bella, you leave me no choice." He flipped open his cell phone and after a few beeps, called up a photo. "Recognize him?" He asked me, his finger poised on the delete button, and I stared at him in terror, my previous assertiveness disappearing in a flash.

"You wouldn't!" I cried desperately, launching myself at the phone as if saving the photo would save my friend.

"I would. Jake is being watched 24/7 by James' good friend Laurent. You refuse to do this Bells, and Jake will die a slow and agonizingly painful death."

"No…" I whispered, a traitor tear trickling down my cheek, despite my efforts to contain it. I furiously wiped it away. "Not Jake…Not Jake, Emmett, you can't…He's my only friend…"

Emmett nodded. "Which is why you'll do this for him." He went around to stand behind the camera. "Ready, Bells?"

"No, wait," James spoke up. "She won't cry; I can see it in her eyes. Edward, scratch some of her bruised flesh if she doesn't". Edward looked up smirking.

"Ah, so that's why you insisted we do it while her ribs were still sore."

"_You. Fucking. Bastards!" _My voice was thick, but I knew James was right. I wouldn't cry. I couldn't. Not just because I wasn't a good actress, but also because I wasn't used to showing myself in any vulnerable way. I usually kept my emotions wrapped up under a mask. I would try, for Jake, but I knew without a doubt that unless I had something to cry about, not a single tear would fall down my face.

"Now now Isabella, that's hardly the way to talk to someone who has just received permission to hurt you is it?" Edward asked mockingly, referring to my 'You-Fucking-Bastards'.

Jasper shook his head at the scene. "Let's just get this over with. Isabella, sit down next to Edward now. I'll focus on your face. Start in 3…2…1…"

I blinked, not knowing what to say. "Um…hi Dad?" I waved weakly. "I'm kidnapped by these bozos," I rolled my eyes at the camera, "and- _ow!_ Fuck you!" I shouted as tears sprang to my eyes. Edward had lifted up my shirt slightly and twisted the bruised skin there, probably creating another bruise.

"What was that for?"

"Cut!" Jasper shouted. "Actually, James, that was a very good idea."

James beamed happily. "I know right? Keep it up, you two! Isabella, if you can cry without him pinching you, try. Otherwise keep doing what you just did Edward!"

"Take 2!" Jasper said. "3…2…1…and action!"

"Hi Dad," I started again, wincing as Edward pinched me, again hard. But I still refused to cry. "I'm here, I'm safe so don't worry. But I miss home and-"

"Think of Jake!" Edward hissed as he twisted the skin on my stomach once again, harder than before. I flinched in pain, and tears rolled down my cheeks. Edward smiled and leaned back in satisfaction.

"-and I want to leave this place. Please Dad, just do what they say. They- they know people. They'll hurt you; they'll hurt my friends. They'll hurt me. Please…" My voice cracked at the end and I trailed off. "I-I don't know what else to say…"

"Cut! That's perfect!" Jasper said. "Okay, we can go send this now. Leave Isabella alone and after this _no one_ touch her ribs, understand?"

They all nodded, in Edward and James' case slightly reluctantly, and left.

I made sure they were gone then pulled my shirt up to just under my bra, examining the fresh bruises and stroking the old ones lovingly.

"It's okay, they won't touch you again," I whispered reassuringly. Then I realized what I was doing and was about to pull my shirt down, blushing, when there was another knock. I tensed.

"Can we come in?" a mouth full of food asked.

"Who's we?"

"Emmett and me". Okay, that's a definite no, but might as well have some fun.

"Who's me?"

"Jasper."

"So 'we' means…?"

"Jasper and Emmett."

"I'm sorry, I forgot your original question?"

"Can we, Jasper and Emmett, come in?"

"No." I smirked and leaned back, enjoying myself.

"What!"

"No you, aka Jasper and Emmett, may not come in."

"But…it's our room." That was Emmett.

I fought to keep my voice even and emotionless. "Well you asked, so I'm answering."

"Shut up Bells. Come on Jazzy! " Emmett barged into the room, where I was still lying on the bed with my shirt pulled up. He spotted my bruises and I saw him tense, fists clenched, ready to explode, his face steadily reddening. Jasper put his arm on Emmett's shoulder while I quickly pulled my shirt down, remembering with a start that Emmett never actually saw the bruises. He probably thought Edward was just pinching me really hard during the video.

Emmett visibly relaxed when I covered up, but I could see his face was still red. For a minute we all stood like that, just staring at each other. Finally Emmett cleared his throat, walking forward hesitantly.

"So…" he came over to me, trying hard to control his voice. "James messed you up pretty good eh?"

I met his gaze, steadfast. "Like you care," I said slowly and deliberately, watching in satisfaction as his face fell.

"I do care!"

"If you cared, you wouldn't have brought me here! And you wouldn't have blackmailed me using my best friend! You wouldn't have threatened to _kill_ my best friend!" I shot back, not caring that I was hurting his feelings. Hell, if anyone's feelings should be hurt it was mine!

"But Bells, I'm sorry!" Emmett tried plaintively.

I raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Really?" He nodded earnestly and a glimmer of hope lit in my heart. Okay Emmett, time to prove it. "If you're really sorry…then take me back." Edward and James walked in to the room as I said that, and they sat down beside Jasper on the floor. Edward wordlessly handed me an icepack before sitting down, and I noticed that James had even brought some popcorn to watch our little confrontation play out. I glared at him, and he saw and held out the popcorn.

"Sorry Isabella, that was rude of me. Popcorn?"

I stared at him in shock. "Wait. So according to your warped little mind, not offering me popcorn is 'rude', but kidnapping me and bringing me to your fucking home with these assholes is fine?" I was yelling by the end and I think I scared him slightly because he backed off, looking beseechingly at Emmett.

"And you!" I turned to Emmett. "You're worse than him! At least he never pretended to be my friend; at least he never pretended to care; at least he never got me to trust him and then backstabbed me! And you never answered my question: are you really sorry?"

Emmett shifted uncomfortably. "Yes Bells, I am. But I can't take you back."

I laughed bitterly, no trace of humor in my voice. "Of course you can't. Sorry means you won't do it again! Sorry means you regret it! You're _not_ sorry Emmett, I know you're not!"

Emmett stood up, meeting my eyes for the first time. "Isabella Marie Swan, you have no _idea_ why we're doing what we're doing and if you knew the reason why we're doing what we're doing which we're doing what we're doing for, you would know why we're doing what we're doing." Everyone stared at him.

"So basically you're saying that I don't know why you kidnapped me and if I did I would understand?" I asked slowly, struggling to work it out in my head.

Emmett thought for a second- I have a sneaky suspicion that he confused himself as well as us- then nodded. "Yes" he said firmly.

James snorted, spraying popcorn bits everywhere. "Dude, stop trying to act like we're in some fucking spy movie where everyone has an ulterior motive for pissing." He shoved a handful of food in his mouth. "Basically you're here 'cause we need money. That's it."

"Like a ransom?" Well that was a bummer. Obviously, after the video I knew it had something to do with money but I had kind of hoped they were involved in some huge crime, with me at the center. _That _would have been awesome. You know, like a mob paid them to kidnap me, and the money they get from my dad is their payment, but the mob wants me for some top secret motive.

Edward scoffed at me from his place on the floor. "Well yes, Isabella, generally when someone kidnaps another person for money, it is called ransom. It is also known as liberation money, blackmail, hush money, a bribe or a payoff."

I whistled under my breath. "_Someone_ has a big ego…" Emmett and James were trying not to smile and failing miserably. Emmett was the first to let out a guffaw and James, Jasper and I soon followed, as much as I tried to stop myself. Seeing Edward glare daggers at us was worth the pain though, and soon I had tears rolling down my cheeks from laughter and pain.

"S-sorry Eddie, it's j-just s-so fu-funny…" Emmett said between chuckles. Jasper collected himself and nodded in agreement.

"Yeah Edward. I mean after all these years of you and your superior complex, a _girl,_ who we kidnapped no less, is the only one apart from us who has the nerve to tell you you're a douche bag!" He started cracking up again.

"Shut up Jasper or I'll tell Mom about that time you and Emmett told her prospective client she was lesbian and 'looking for someone'," Edward grumbled, but the corners of his mouth twitched slightly as he said it, effectively undermining any threat he could have made. I was still dissolved in giggles so it took me a while longer to process what he said, but when I did my mouth dropped open and I gawked at him.

"You- you're brothers? All of you?"

Emmett nodded. "Yup. Me and Eddie and Jazzy. Not James though; he missed out on the lady killer genes. He's not even our cousin or anything." James nodded proudly, seeming pleased of the fact that he was in no way related to the self-confessed 'lady killer' still nodding like a bobble-head in front of us.

"Okay Emmett, you can stop nodding now," Edward sighed. "And you- Isabella- you can't move too much for a few days."

"Why not?"

"Because your ribs are bruised" Edward shook his head and sighed like I was the dumbest person he had ever had the misfortune of meeting.

Well, he's asking for it. "Well you gave me three of them! And what if I don't agree to lie down?"

"Then we'll duct tape you to the mattress." I scowled at him and he smirked back, obviously pleased with himself.

"I don't care about resting; I care about the mattress on the floor. If I'm going to be in bed for a few days I want a real bed. In an actual room." I smiled angelically down at him from the bed. Hey, like I said before, the guy's an asshole. Assholes don't deserve to have life made easy for them.

"Fine," Edward said through gritted teeth. "You can have Emmett's roll-away."

I narrowed my eyes. "A _proper_ bed. And I'm not sleeping anywhere near Emmett," I added, letting him know that I hadn't forgiven him.

Emmett suddenly jumped up and waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Edward, who recoiled in horror and shock. "NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, _no!_" he yelled. Jasper was grinning widely so I assumed he must understand what was going on, but James and I were at a loss.

"Mind explaining…?" James spoke for both of us, gesturing towards Edward who was still resolutely shaking his head.

Emmett bounded over to us. "You see, Bellsy doesn't want a roll-away. That means she won't use my bed, and she wants a _real _bed. Jazzy, James and Eddie have real beds. She can't sleep in our room in Jazzy's bed because she doesn't want to sleep near me. That only leaves two options…" Ah. I sleep in James' room or Edward's room.

Edward jumped up. "But why can't she sleep with James in his room?"

"Because you're a kind-of-doctor and you can check her ribs at night, plus you have the biggest room _and_ you have a double bed." Oh no. He was not serious!

"No way!" Edward and I both yelled at the same time.

"I'm not sharing a bed with _him_!"

"I'm not sharing a bed with _her_!"

Emmett patted our heads patronizingly. "You don't have to. Edward will just move the mattress into his room, and you'll sleep on his double bed."

I could see Edward thinking furiously. "But why can't she sleep in Jasper's bed, Jasper sleep on the mattress, and Emmett can take his roll-away to the living room?"

Emmett shook his head. "Nah, my roll-away won't fit through the door. It's too big. So she can't be in our room because she doesn't want to be near me." Hmph. He was taking the whole I-don't-want-to-sleep-near-Emmett thing a lot better than I thought he would.

"But why can't she sleep in James' room and James can take the mattress in the living room?" Edward was still trying desperately to think of excuses to keep his double bed. How selfish of him.

"_Because_ Edward," Jasper spoke up, "No one wants to sleep in the living room and your room is the only room that has space for the mattress to fit comfortably on the floor."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed exasperatedly. "Fine. But if she touches my CDs I'll kill her,"

"I wouldn't touch your CDs if you paid me a million dollars," I crossed my arms over my chest. "You probably only have 10 year old songs." For some reason, Emmett and James found this hysterical.

"Nope!" James corrected me, popping the 'p'. "He has _a hundred year old songs!_"

"Whatever," Edward huffed. "If she's sleeping in my room she's not touching my CDs or my piano unless she has a death wish."

"I just said, I don't _want_ to touch your CDs!" I yelled at him, ignoring the flaring pain in my chest. Edward looked me in the eye and shook his head slowly.

"You might think that now…" he said, a devious smirk growing on his face, "but after a few days of living here I'm willing to bet anything that you'll be begging to listen to my music. Teenagers can't live without music," he nodded knowingly.

Emmett snorted at him. "Yeah, you would know Eddie, you're only 19! Only 2 years older than Bellsy." NINETEEN? He was _nineteen? _How was he a doctor then?

"How are you a doctor then?"

"Actually I'm almost twenty. I watched my father, and learned from him," Edward replied stiffly. "You _are_ stupid," he muttered randomly, and almost inaudibly at the end. I glared at him, furious.

"I'm smarter than you, jackass," I retorted.

Edward smiled indulgently at me as if I was a five year old who had just asked him if I could go buy a pet unicorn. "Now Isabella, that's not a very nice word is it? Can you think of a nicer way to say that?"

"Of course," I replied coolly. "I'm smarter than you, you psychopathic moronic fucked up douche-headed asshole. Was that nice enough for you, retard?"

James tutted disapprovingly, but I could see that he, as well as Jasper and Emmett, were enjoying our little fight immensely.

"Whatever," I muttered under my breath. "Can I go to _my_ room now? I'm tired, and I want to sleep on _my _bed, you see," I explained sweetly, making sure to emphasize the 'my'. I saw Edward's eyes darken and smiled, pleased that I had gotten a rise out of him.


	5. Chapter 5

Jasper stretched and loudly gave a fake yawn, even though it was only nine 'o' clock. "Well you heard her, Edward. She wants to go sleep in _her_ new bed," he smiled wickedly. I decided that I liked Jasper, even if he did kidnap me.

Edward groaned and stooped down to pick me up again. "You're tiny," he mused, almost to himself.

"Well, I'm only seventeen. I still have time," I replied, slightly hurt. Edward gave me something resembling a smile and carried me into the next room before lying me- quite gently, I noticed- down on the bed, which was freaking huge! I gaped at the room. It was about double the size of Emmett and Jasper's room, and the walls were lined with shelves stacked to the brim with CDs and books. This room, unlike theirs, had a few windows so light was streaming in. In the corner a dusty black grand piano lay serenely, tying the whole room together and giving it a peaceful atmosphere.

"Woah! Jasper and Emmett definitely drew the shorter straw!"

Edward was leaving the room, but he turned and smiled slightly. "Indeed they did. Literally." And then he was gone, out the door and to the living room.

I had to concentrate very hard to stop myself swooning.

**-Dammit Bella! Why can't you control your brain? **

_-Well my brain's fucked up anyways, I might as well enjoy it while I can. God, he's so hot!_

**-No, Bella, stop! He. Is. A. Kidnapper.**

_-Good point._

I sighed dejectedly. Now I was talking to myself. And not only was I talking to myself, I was actually having a conversation where I replied to my own thoughts. I toyed briefly with the idea that I had split personality disorder, and then dropped it when I realized that I remembered everything about my life. And then I mentally kicked myself for being so pathetic. And then I wondered what my parents were doing right now. And also I realized that I was very, very bored.

"EDDIEKINS! JAZZY! JAMIE! I'm bored! I want to play a game!" I yelled, hoping they would come. They did, although a very reluctant Edward had to be physically dragged into the room by James and Emmett, who showed up uninvited.

"I'm bored; I've been talking to myself for an hour. So I want to play Truth or Dare."

Edward groaned loudly, an obvious contrast to Emmett who was rubbing his hands together gleefully. "Perfect!"

I raised my voice slightly to be heard above them. "But…" I paused for dramatic emphasis, "No kissing." James moaned purposefully loudly, trying to wind me up. I ignored him.

"But _why_ Isabella?"

"Because I'm the only girl, I don't think you or Jasper are gay, Emmett sure as hell isn't, and I don't want to kiss any of you. _That's_ why." I answered cheekily, deliberately missing Edward off the 'Not Gay' list.

"Fine," James huffed. "But I get to go first. Isabella, truth or dare?"

I was about to choose dare when Edward interrupted. "Isabella can't move; she can only pick truth." I gave him a dirty look but accepted it without complaint.

"So…Isabella…" James scratched his chin thoughtfully. I bet I know what's coming! "Are you a virgin?" Well what do you know, I was right! I rolled my eyes but nodded.

"Is that all you think about? Well, yes anyways. Jasper's turn." Jasper sat up straighter and I could see the wheels turning in his head.

"Okay, well it's an unspoken Cullen rule that if you pick truth you _have_ to tell the truth and if you pick dare you _have_ to do it. So…Edward? Truth or Dare?"

"What? Why do you all always pick _me_?" Edward groaned and buried his head in his knees.

"Because you're fun; and you never agree to play this so when you do we have to take advantage of it," Jasper retaliated. "Now pick."

"Truth. I always pick truth." God, what a loser. Who only picks truth? No one! That's who.

"Good choice," Jasper agreed. "This is something I've been wondering for a long time…are you gay by any chance?"

"No. My turn."

"You guys are so boring!" I interrupted Edward. "You even manage to make Truth or Dare boring. I bet none of you have ever even had a girlfriend!"

Apparently they all took great offence at that because they immediately started boasting about their greatest conquests in far more detail than I ever wanted to know.

"Okay, okay, I get it!" I said hastily, covering my ears. "I don't really want to know what Lauren said when she saw your…you know…" I blushed furiously.

"Penis. It's called a penis," James smirked at my face, which was now beetroot red.

"Jeez, have you never had a Sex Ed class? I can give you a class if you want…a practical class…what say sweet cheeks?" He leered at me and I shivered involuntarily.

An awkward silence ensued, and we all looked at each other wondering what to say. I could see Emmett was dying for someone to break the silence, and I would bet my money he would speak first.

"So, Jasper…" he said suddenly, "What's up with Miss Alice Brandon?"

Jasper shifted uncomfortably, and I wondered who Alice was. "Alice is great, she's been bugging me about coming over," he muttered.

"Excellent!" Emmett beamed. "Call her over tomorrow."

"What? No!" Jasper gestured towards me in a way he probably thought was subtle but was really pretty obvious to everyone in the room, including me.

"Who's Alice?" I butted in to their conversation.

"Jasper's girlfriend," Edward, Emmett and James answered simultaneously.

"How old is she?" I asked, curious.

"Nineteen."

"And does she know about…" I gestured to them in a vague way. "Does she know about all this?"

"She know we live here," Emmett replied, clueless.

"No! You know what I mean!" I groaned in frustration, momentarily forgetting not to talk directly to Emmett. Well apparently I'm going to have to spell it out for them! "I _meant _does she know about your crime life?"

"Well technically this our first crime," James replied, unashamed.

"Seriously?" I gaped at them as they nodded. "So anyway, can she come over?" I begged, turning to Jasper. If Alice didn't know about her boyfriend's ties to crime, I think it was my duty as a fellow human to enlighten her. Hopefully she's a cop or something. Or a wrestler! Yeah, that would be great. I imagined a 350 pound Alice busting in to rescue me and beating the guys up.

Yeah, I wish.

Jasper was studying me cautiously. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, why?"

"Because your expression just went from pleading to sneaky to smirking to disappointed in about 3 seconds."

"Oh." I turned my attention back to Jasper. "So can Alice come here tomorrow? I really need someone to talk to."

Jasper gave me an amused look. "You've only been here for a few hours!"

"Well, girls need girlfriends!" James very audibly coughed 'Lesbian!' but I ignored him. Seeing my plea had no effect on Jasper, I switched tactics. "Please call her over! _Please_," I gave him my best puppy dog look, my eyes shining. "_Please_ Jazz?"

"Well…" I had him! Go Bella!

"Don't do it Jasper! It's all her evil little plan to take Alice to her side! You've only been dating her for a month; you can't trust her yet!" Edward yelled, shaking his head.

"Do it Jasper! Bellsy needs a friend!" Emmett nodded his head like a maniac.

"Do It Jasper! Jamesie needs entertainment!" James finished, before making a face. "Ugh. I can't believe I just called myself Jamesie."

All eyes were on Jasper. Truthfully, I wasn't bothered. After all, these were seriously THE worst kidnappers I had ever had the misfortune to come across. I suppose that's a good thing though- there will probably be a few hundred more chances to escape, so it didn't really matter whether or not Alice came over.

Emmett was growing impatient. "Hurry up Jazz!"

Jasper rolled his eyes, but I could see I'd won him over. "Alright then. Alice can come over."

"What? No! Are you crazy?" Edward yelped, jumping up off the bed.

"No, Edward, I'm not," Jasper replied calmly. "It's just, I miss Alice. We've been dating for a month but I last saw her two weeks ago. And she and Bella don't have to meet."

I didn't say anything as Edward grudgingly nodded. 'She and Bella don't have to meet'? Yeah, sure. And pigs fly. I made up my mind to meet Alice and tell her everything if it killed me. Which it probably would.

"Now, I think someone's had a long day and needs to rest," Jasper said kindly, looking pointedly at me as I yawned. Emmett and James reluctantly left the room, but I frowned at Jasper.

"I didn't 'have a long day'" I said angrily. "I did, but it's because of _you_. So shut up!"

For some reason, this seemed to amuse him and he was chuckling as he left the room and closed the door behind him, leaving Edward and me alone.

Oh, joy.


	6. Chapter 6

Edward stiffly started to make his bed on the floor, piling pillows and blankets on the mattress, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Neither of us said anything for around half an hour after that, and I was just starting to fall asleep when his steady breathing ceased for a second.

"Isabella…" I heard him whisper. "Are you awake?"

I almost pretended to be asleep, but curiosity got the better of me and I turned on to my side, warily facing him. "What?" I asked suspiciously, looking down at him.

"I've been thinking: you're too good at playing Jasper and Emmett. They're wrapped around your little finger; we can't have that. I need some ammo against you to use when I want you to shut up. So I want to play a game. 20 questions. Here. Now."

I snorted softly at his attempt to be tough. "Sure. We can play 20 questions. Right here. Right now," I copied him, although I didn't even bother trying to imitate his velvety voice. "Wait…you know that 20 questions means I get to ask _you_ questions too, right?"

"Yes Isabella, I am aware of that fact," Edward sighed, annoyed at me for some strange reason.

"Because then I'll probably have a lot of ammo against you, too, which means _I_ can get _you_ to shut up whenever I want…"

"I understand that, but I am relying on my superior question-asking skills to aid me in asking you questions which will reveal far more about you, than yours will about me."

I struggled to decipher that in my head. "I don't think that made sense, really. Why do you always talk like that? Like you're fifty years old or something…"

He smirked at me. "Is that your first question?" he asked, making me huff.

"Fine! That's the first question!" I pushed myself up so I was sitting up on the bed, waiting to hear his answer.

"Well then, I speak like I'm fifty, as you so eloquently put it, because, perhaps, I was forced to grow up faster than I should have," he answered stiffly.

"But Emmett doesn't, and he's older than you," I pointed out. "Neither does Jasper."

"A lot of things happened to me that didn't happen to them!" he snapped back, and I could see he was uncomfortable so I wordlessly motioned with my head that it was his turn.

He frowned, thinking. I silently braced myself, waiting for the question that was sure to be something personal, which he could use against me later. That was the whole reason he started this game, after all.

"Okay, I got one." he smiled devilishly. "What is the one thing you don't want Emmett to know, ever?"

"Hey no fair!" I complained. "You're just going to tell Emmett!" But I knew from his firm expression that I would have to answer. "Fine," I sighed. "I never want him to know that I'm the one who ruined his chance with a girl he really loved." I said, feeling guilty. Edward cocked his head to one side.

"Well you must have had a reason…" he trailed off, waiting for me to finish the sentence.

"Yes, I did. She was a bitch. She thought he was rich so she tagged on to him. When I found out I broke them up…and then realized too late that he'd fallen in love with her," I finished bitterly. Edward said nothing, waiting for my next question.

I thought for a second. First I considered giving him a nice easy question…but then again, that wasn't my style. I decided to go straight for the kill.

"Why did you kidnap me?"

Edward paused for a second, playing with his hands and wondering how to answer. Finally he looked up. "For the money," he answered shortly.

I smiled weakly at him. "You didn't think of all the things I could ask you did you? You can embarrass me, but I can find out your whole plan…"

Edward shook his head. "No. You're so naïve, Isabella. We were planning on telling you everything tomorrow anyway."

"Oh." That was a big waste of question then. "And it's Bella, not Isabella."

"Sure, Isabella."

"I mean it, you retard. Call me Isabella one more time and I will wring your neck!"

"Alright then…Bella." We stared at each other for a few moments, until I mentally shook myself and looked away.

"My turn," Edward said, changing the subject again. "What are you most afraid of in the entire world?" Okay, this game is not fair.

"Just ask Emmett," I grumbled. Edward gave me a pointed look.

"The whole point of this game is that I can find out things to torture you with without having to ask Emmett and be indebted to him for the next few hundred years or so."

"Well you can't torture me!" I grinned triumphantly. "There's only two things in the world I'm really scared of: thunderstorms and having my foot amputated. You can't make either happen easily."

Edward burst out laughing. "Y-you're scared of th-thunderstorms a-and having your f-foot amputated?"

I folded my arms and glared at him. "Yes. And I'm only scared of having my foot amputated after I saw a documentary on it. Blame the Discovery Channel!"

Edward gave me a calculating look through his snorts but he didn't comment. "Your turn," he said evenly.

"Okay…um, what are _you_ most afraid of?" I asked, making up my mind to laugh at whatever it was. That would show him!

Edward got off my bed and lay back down on his mattress, rolling over to face away from me. "Good night, Isabella," he said crisply.

"You can't do that!" I was furious and I jumped off my bed onto him on the mattress.

He rolled onto his back, with me sitting on his torso. "Yes Isabella I can." Oh, so we were back to Isabella now were we? "Now can you get off of me and return to your bed?"

"No!" I yelled, feeling extraordinarily like a petulant child throwing a tantrum. I beat his stomach with my fists in a rage. "You said we could play and you can't just quit!"

I could see him getting mad. "Yes. I. _Can,_" he growled, grabbing my wrists and flipping us over so I was on my back and he was on top of me. I whimpered softly as my bruised ribs made contact with the mattress. He pulled back immediately, an apologetic look on his face replacing the anger from a few seconds before.

"I apologize," he said awkwardly, gently pulling me up and gathering me in his arms. I shivered at the instant electricity that flooded through me. "I forgot about your ribs." He deposited me smoothly on my bed with a flourish. "There. Now go to sleep. It's midnight."

"Not until you answer the question!" I grabbed a pillow, placing it behind my back and propping myself up. "I'm staying awake. I'll keep talking until you get sick of it," I warned. Edward stood at the foot of my bed, looking down at me for a second before nodding.

"Fine," he agreed simply, before staring to climb into the bed with me.

"What are you doing?" I hissed in a whisper as the bed sagged slightly with the extra weight.

"You won't sleep. I need you to sleep; I need to sleep too. I am going to sit right here and make sure you don't sit up. I have full faith that you will eventually fall asleep if you're lying down." Saying this, he nudged me into a lying-down position, although I noticed he was careful to avoid my bruises. I tried to get up again, but was firmly pushed back down.

"Sleep," he insisted. I was about to attempt to sit up, but the pillow was so soft and warm…and quite frankly, I was tired and in my opinion sleeping with a sex god, even if he is a retard, is the best way to sleep.

"There's a good girl…" I heard him murmur as I drifted off, and I made a mental note to talk to him about the patronizing tone he used. As sleep took over, I could have sworn I felt him gently brushing and playing with my hair.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning I was woken up by a hyperactive bear-man and an over-reacting blond who thought it would be nice to wake me up by jumping repeatedly in front of my bed shouting their heads off.

"Wake up Bellsy! Alice is coming!" Emmett scooped me out of the bed, at the same moment as I realized that Edward had already woken up and left the room.

"Alice hasn't seen this apartment yet! I need to make the bed or she'll think I'm some untidy cowboy!" Jasper moaned, seeming to genuinely believe that she would think that. "And Bella, if by any chance you manage to have a few words with Alice- and I have no doubt that somehow you will- not one word about why you're here, do you understand?"

I purposefully didn't answer him and instead focused my attention on trying to wriggle out of Emmett's arms, but he held fast. "Oh no you don't Bellsy. No walking: doctor's orders." Then he held me up so he could whisper in my ear: "And don't think I didn't notice that you didn't answer Jasper. I'm warning you Bells, try anything and you're dead. If you make Edward or James angry they will kill you. You better listen to Jasper. And don't give me any trouble either, or I'll tell everyone your most embarrassing stories." I decided to get him back at breakfast…

Half an hour later, Emmett was covered in maple syrup, which I'd dumped on him after he'd dumped me in a chair in front of the kitchen table. Edward was covered in pancake mix, which served him right and I didn't regret at all- that would teach him to meddle with me and my syrup pouring!

James was sitting on the carpet with a packet of Cheetos, watching everything with childlike enthusiasm. I had a feeling my coming here was the most exciting thing to happen to him in years.

Jasper was hopping up and down with a mop and a frying pan surveying the damage and almost pulling his hair out as he tried to decide whether to clean the syrup from the floor first, or the batter from the walls. He was still dancing around desperately trying to clean everything up when the doorbell rang. I crossed my fingers hopefully; so far they'd forgotten about locking me in a room or whatever they were planning to do while Alice was here. Just a few more seconds and I could tell Alice to call the police…

Jasper looked up desperately. "Hold on Alice!" He motioned quickly to Edward, and too late I saw him pouring a horrible-smelling liquid into a cloth on the table. I tried to get up and run but James, who had come over to the kitchen table, held my shoulder and firmly pushed me back down. I weighed my options quickly:

One: run, be caught, drugged _and_ most likely locked in a room

Two: plead and beg to meet Alice. I knew this would never happen, so I discarded that idea.

Three: be drugged here, and hope they keep me in the living room, where (if I woke up on time) I could tell Alice what was happening.

Obviously, I opted for three, but a thought struck me suddenly. I'd seen it in the movies…would it work in real life? _Worth a shot_, I decided, and I sucked in a deep breath as Edward advanced, holding the cloth over his hand.

He stuck it firmly over my mouth, seeming surprised that I wasn't struggling, and held it there firmly. I slowly counted to twenty in my head, then let my body go limp as Jasper worked to unlock the padlock on the front door. Edward picked up my still body and carried me to one of the sofas, laying me quite gently in a half-lying-down, half-sitting position next to him. I had to stop myself from taking in deep breaths, not wanting to alert him to the fact that I was awake.

I heard Jasper finally manage to get the door open, and risked a peek at the person who was my ticket out of this place. I almost gasped in surprise at what I saw.

A tiny girl bounded into the room- with her short spiky dark hair, and small frame she reminded me of a child. But she obviously wasn't: her features were far too defined and beautiful for a child. I scoffed inwardly- wrestler? More like elf! This little thing could hardly bust me out of preschool! Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration…she looked quite tough. And she wasn't _that _short…she would come up to around me shoulder. But still! Why couldn't Jasper have a thing for women in uniform, or women in boxing gloves? Why did he have to choose a 5-foot pixie wearing D&G?

"Jasper!" She practically ran over to him, and he caught her, laughing, and spun her around. I found myself feeling slightly envious at the amazing relationship they obviously shared.

While they stared at each other adoringly, James coughed loudly, breaking them out of their trance.

"Ahem…sorry, Alice, I forgot to introduce you…these are my brothers Edward, who you've met before I think," Edward made a gesture resembling a wave, "Emmett," Emmett waved energetically with both hands, "and our friend James." James nodded at her.

Alice frowned slightly when she noticed me, and as she turned her attention to me lying next to Edward, I quickly squeezed my eyes shut.

"Who's this?" she inquired, coming closer to inspect me. "She looks familiar. And why is she asleep?"


	8. Chapter 8

"She's asleep because she's tired. And that's Bellsy!" Emmett announced, completely clueless as usual.

"Bellsy?" Alice looked dumbfounded. "Are you serious? Her parents must be nutcases. Poor girl…" She looked pityingly at me and I had to restrain myself from pounding her. My parents were not nutcases! Well, Renee was, kind of. But she wouldn't name me Bellsy!

"No, no!" Edward shook his head at Alice. "Her name is Isa-" he broke off, and shifted me slightly closer to him. "I mean Bella. Her name is Bella," he said finally. I opened my eyes a millimeter to study his face. He wasn't looking at me; he was looking at Alice, but his eyes were warmer than I'd seen them in my short stay here.

"Bella?" Alice nodded approvingly. "Good. She's a beauty, Edward, you're lucky to find her. She needs some better clothes though…look at what she's wearing!" She wrinkled her nose in disgust, just as Edward and I jumped up, unable to control ourselves.

"She's not my girlfriend!"

"My clothes are fine!"

Edward rounded on me. Uh-oh "You're supposed to be drugged!" he hissed at me.

"Well you didn't do a very good job of drugging me!" I yelled back, not even bothering to keep my voice down. "And why are we mad at each other? We're supposed to be mad at the pixie there!"

"Good point… She is not my girlfriend!"

"I don't have bad clothes!"

Alice studied us for a moment before plopping down on the red sofa. "Relax. I just assumed, the way you two were lying on the sofa…"

"Well we're not," I shook my head emphatically.

"We're not," Edward echoed.

"Ass-uming makes an ass, out of you and me-eee!" Emmett butted in loudly, to the tune of Yankee Doodle. We stared at him for a second, before completely ignoring him and going back to our conversation.

"And why did you blow up at her for being awake anyways?" Alice asked, putting her elbows up on the armrest and propping her chin up on her hands. "Wait…" her eyes narrowed as it clicked. "Did you say you _drugged her?_"

"W-what? No! Of course n-"

"Yes, he did," I interrupted him calmly. "Or tried to anyway." A thought struck me. "Um, Alice, do you have the police on speed dial? Because if it gets down to it, I don't think four guys against us gives us much of a chance…"

The guys were slowly getting up, and Edward looked ready to kill me, but I could see they wouldn't hurt Alice so I decided not to make a run for it through the still-open door. Which James just closed. _Shit_.

Alice didn't seem to notice that, and she hopped lithely off the sofa and came closer to me, prowling around me like a leopard. A very small, graceful leopard.

"Why are you here? Are you here against your will?" she asked shortly, straight to the point. I looked her right in the eyes and deliberated. Telling her would most likely mean she wouldn't be allowed to leave either, but not telling her…well, that wasn't a very smart choice.

So…"Yes."

"Fuck!" Edward cursed, grabbing me and slamming me into the kitchen counter, his hand wrapped around my throat, blocking my supply of oxygen. "What the hell is wrong with you!" His hands squeezed my neck, and I felt my vision start to get blurry as I gasped for air.

"Stop!" Alice rushed in between us. "Let her _go_!" She pulled me away from the Retard, who pinched the bridge of his nose and sat down on the sofa stonily. Alice gave me a once-over as she led me to the bowl chair.

"Are you okay?" I nodded shakily, still breathing heavily. "So are you- are you kidnapped?" I nodded again.

Alice closed her eyes as Jasper, Edward, James and Emmett waited with bated breath for her reaction. Me? I had to get my breath back first, and then I could wait with bated breath. Jasper broke the tense silent first.

"Alice? Look, it's not what it seems like; we did kidnap her but we're not criminals I swear, I-" He broke off as Alice walked over to him, stood on the tips of her toes and planted her lips over his in a sweet kiss, effectively shutting him up.

"Jasper, I've only known you a few weeks but I can tell we are meant to be together," Alice said as they broke apart. "And if you say you have a good reason, I believe you. I won't tell anybody."

"What?" I yelped, jumping up. "What about me? You can't just leave me here! People will be going crazy at my house! Do you know who I am?" At her blank look, I sighed. "Not Bella. _Isabella._ Isabella Swan."

"What? The one Emmett was guarding?" Alice looked disbelievingly at me. "Oh. My. God. You _are_ Isabella!"

"Oh, thanks for believing me!" I said bitterly, going over to sit on the sofa, but making sure to sit as far away from Edward as was humanly possible on a two-seater couch.

Alice looked suitably abashed. "Look Bella, I'm sorry, but Jasper and I are soul-mates!"

"Oh, well why didn't you say so! _That_ changes things!" I snarled at her, while Jasper glowed.

"Come on Bella, they must have a good reason. I mean, in the…" she paused.

"One day" Jasper said quietly.

"Thank you Jasper!" Alice chirped, and through my anger I marvelled at their close relationship, at how in sync they were. "Bella, in the one day that you've been here, have you seen any of them do anything mean?"

"Well let me think," I said sarcastically. "Oh no, they didn't do anything- except throw me against a wall and threaten to rape me and squeeze my bruised ribs and try to strangle me! All in less than 20 hours!"

Edward and James looked down, but Emmett hopped up indignantly. "Hey! Most of that was James and Edward! And he fixed your ribs, so him strangling you gets cancelled out!" Sure Emmett. Maybe in you world. And he didn't 'fix my ribs'; he handed me an icepack.

"But Alice…" I gave her my best puppy dog look, making my eyes big and pleading. "It's not fair. I can't stay here for God know how long! I can't! You have to help me, please Alice!" The little pixie gave me a calculating look.

"Well you see, Bella, I wouldn't be helping you if I called the police. I wouldn't be helping anybody."

"What?" I asked, confused. "You would! You would be helping me!"

Alice shook her head resolutely. "No. You and that one- Edward- are meant to be together. But I tell you what I _will_ do," she added, before I could argue about Edward and me being together. "I can bring another girl over…her name is Rosalie. Then Rosalie, you and I can hang out together and you won't be bored or anything!" She beamed at her perfect plan. "Yes, Rosalie is perfect…" She continued, more to herself than us. "Perfect for him, made in heaven, yes, well done Alice!"

Edward looked worriedly at her. "Alice…that's great but can you trust Rosalie?"

Alice nodded. "Sure. She's got ties to the underworld anyways…she wouldn't tell on you because she would consider you guys as her people."

I made a last ditch attempt for freedom. "But Alice, I'm _Isabella Swan!_ My parents will be going crazy for me! They have the power and influence to involve the government, and I'm sure you don't want your precious boyfriend in jail!" Seeing as that didn't budge her, I tried again. "And I miss my parents!"

Emmett burst out laughing. "Yeah, right! You see them for a few minutes a day! You would miss _me_ more than them!"

Alice gave a cheery smile. "That's settled then!" Two seconds passed. "I'm bored! I want to play a game!"

"Okay, how about-" Emmett started

"-Q&A, great idea Em!" Alice decided gleefully. "I have to leave in a few minutes for a big fashion show I told Jazz about, but I want to know more about you. It will help when I'm designing clothes for you."

I looked up sharply but Jazz gave me an ignore-the-last-part look, so I pretended I didn't hear it. _I mean, she can always design clothes, but I didn't necessarily have to wear them, _I figured.

"Full names first! And family! You." She motioned to Emmett. "Shoot".

"My name is Emmett Cullen and I'm the oldest Cullen! Ha! In your face!" He paused to think. "Oh yeah, and I'm 22."

I shook my head, making everyone turn to stare at me.

"What?" Emmett demanded.

"You lot are honestly the most pathetic kidnappers I have ever had the misfortune of meeting."

"How many have you met?" Edward asked, insulted.

I paused. "None except you. But even I know not to give personal information out to your hostage."

Edward smirked at me. "Oh no, you'll find that it's perfectly acceptable when the kidnappers are planning to…dispose of said hostage." My blood ran cold.

"What?"

James rolled his eyes. "Relax, sweet cheeks, we're not planning on killing you. As of now," he added.

"Great. I'm over the moon. And don't call me sweet cheeks," I retorted.

"Whatever you say, sweetie."

"ENOUGH!" Alice shouted. "We are going to continue with my game whether you like it or not. James!"

"My name is James, if I tell you my last name I'm in trouble, I'm 21," James said reluctantly at Alice's nod.

"Perfect." Alice beamed. "Isn't this fun?"

"Yes!"

"Totally! It's awesome!"

"Not really, no."

"Not exactly"

"No."

"Whatever." Alice scowled at everyone who was not Emmett or Jasper. "Your turn!" she said to Jasper.

"I'm 21, like James. I am the second oldest Cullen and I am in love with the most beautiful woman on the planet, Alice Brandon!"

"My turn!" Alice announced once she finished kissing Jasper after his little speech. Edward and I simultaneously rolled our eyes.

"Is there a point to this game, Alice?" Edward asked sourly.

"Yes. We learn more about each other! Now shut up, it's my turn. I'm Mary Alice Brandon and I'm a fashion intern. I'm 19 and in love with Jasper Hale Cullen. Go, Edward!"

"Fine!" He sighed irritably. "I am 19, my name is Edward Anthony Mason Cullen. Happy?"

"Not yet," Alice replied. "Bella?"

I raised my eyes. "Fine. I'm Isabella Marie Swan and I'm 17. _Now_ are you happy!"

"Completely." Alice sighed contentedly, as if she'd just sunk into a hot bubble bath. "Well I have to go, but I'll come over tomorrow and I'll bring Rose along too." Emmett perked up at that. "Wicked! What's she like?"

"Sexy." With that, Alice unlocked the door and skipped out of the apartment, Jasper and Emmett in tow, the latter asking endless questions about Rosalie. James mumbled something about needing to buy more popcorn, and followed them.

_So there's a store somewhere nearby. Which probably has a phone._ I stored that in my head for later use, already planning how to escape.


	9. Chapter 9

**I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. **

**A/N: Please keep in mind that this is NOT REALISTIC by any stretch of the imagination. Saying you think it's stupid because it would never happen is all well and good but remember that I never said it would! This is a long fluffy humour piece. That's it. Don't read if it's not your thing. Enjoy...**

**XXX**

"Ahem." A cough startled me and I turned, remembering that Edward was right next to me on the sofa. I got up to move, but he pushed me back down firmly with his arm.

"No Isabella. Keep your movements to a minimum; it will help your ribs." An awkward silence ensued, with me glaring stonily at him the entire time. In truth, I was upset at him. Granted, he hadn't actually strangled me and it wasn't like I couldn't breathe at all- he only blocked about half my supply of air- but he had been violent with me, and I was hurt.

"I am sorry." My eyes snapped up to meet his. That was new. An _apology_? From _Edward_? When exactly did hell freeze over? Because whenever it did, I owed a whole lot of guys a whole lot of sex.

"What?" I turned to face him and stared incredulously at him. "You strangled me, and now you just say sorry and it's all better?"

"Stop exaggerating; I did not strangle you," he replied dryly, although I noticed that he avoided my eyes.

"Nice apology," I remarked. "But for some strange reason, it didn't help much."

Edward scooted closer to me. "Isabella…Bella. Really, I _am_ sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, honestly I didn't. And I didn't cause any bruises; that has to count for something?" I nodded once, sharply. Edward relaxed and gave me a half-smile, making my inside melt and turn to liquid.

"Forgive me?" he asked, his green eyes burning into mine and blazing with intensity and sincerity. I looked away quickly, and Edward frowned.

"Bella…look at me," he ordered, probably knowing the effect his eyes had on me and wanting to use it to his advantage. "Bella?"

"I already said I am sorry!" He was getting irritated with me, used to having girls fall at his feet. "Just say you forgive me already! How many apologies do you want?"

"None!" I snapped back, irritated myself. "Because I'm never going to forgive you!"

"For _what?"_ he practically shouted.

"For kidnapping me and bringing me here, and for pinching me and throwing me against a wall and strangling me!"

"But you aren't furious with Jasper or Emmett or James, and they kidnapped you too," he pointed out.

I paused, considering. "Well yes, but Jasper's been nice to me since I came, and James offered me popcorn. And I'm still mad at Em, just not as much as I'm mad at you!"

"Fine!" he shouted, furious at his vulnerability in having apologized and having been, in a way, rejected.

"Fine!" I yelled back, trying to hold in a smile. Yes, I was making him mad on purpose.

"You pathetic bitch! You think, just because I apologized once, and you didn't accept it that it means I'll owe you or something! Well, it doesn't! Your life from now on is going to be pure _hell_!" he snarled.

"That's cool." I casually inspected a nail, letting him know that I didn't give a damn.

"Fine!" He stormed off to his- our- room. I sat silently watching him, before breaking out into a big grin. He was so easy to get a rise out of! Yes, I know I can be a bitch.

_This could be fun_, I thought, and I decided to use the fact that he got annoyed easily to my advantage.

When James, Jazz and Emmett came back, they surrounded me on the couch, demanding to know where Edward was. Well, Jasper demanded to know where Edward was, and the others followed his lead. That boy is way too perceptive for his own good! I wordlessly pointed to our room and picked up the remote for the TV, not really watching the pictures, just staring through them. I was far more absorbed in making plans to prank Edward.

The guys left to me and Edward's room, leaving me to watch _90210 _alone. It was an old episode- Adrianna was telling Navid that she's pregnant- and I was just about to switch to BBC or some other channel when Jasper, James and Emmett shuffled back into the room, dragging Edward with them and looking sheepish and guilty. I was immediately on alert.

"What?" I asked suspiciously, switching off the TV.

Jasper took in and let out a deep breath before speaking. "Edward was on his laptop…" he started. I cocked my eyebrow at him. "He opened the internet and the top news article is about you being kidnapped." He rushed it out in one big breath. I shrugged nonchalantly.

"So?" I was Isabella Swan for God's sake! What did they expect?

"So we found out that your dad's sending out a whole crew to find you."

"So?" That wasn't unexpected either.

"Including the local police…"

"So?"

"And members of the FBI…" He was playing with the hem of his shirt nervously, and almost tripping over his words in an effort to beat around the bush.

"Again, so?" I asked impatiently, beginning to get annoyed.

"So we have to move!"

My mouth dropped open. No! That would effectively stop every single one of my escape plans! What if they took me to Italy or China or wherever the fuck they were from?

"What? No way! I am not leaving this city to some godforsaken place where you could do whatever you wanted! If you plan on taking me to Alaska or wherever, I will scream the moment I take a step outside!" On second thoughts, I probably shouldn't have said that out loud- it might have actually worked.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Isabella Marie Swan, you are going to do exactly what we tell you or I will take my belt to you."

I laughed humorlessly. "I'd like to see you try!"

Jasper gave Edward a warning look and came to sit by me on the sofa. "Bella, we need to move. I was hoping you would be understanding about this, but if you refuse to cooperate we will drug you and stuff you in the trunk. It's your choice. Drugged or cooperate?"

"Fine, I'll cooperate," I huffed. Internally, I was desperately trying to rearrange my escape plans to accommodate the fact that I could quite possibly be half way across the globe by tomorrow morning. I groaned, pulling the roots of my hair in a weird attempt to stop myself panicking by letting out some steam. On my hair. I was _not_ thinking straight!

_Okay, don't freak out, _the wise side of me said. _You can still escape. These guys are such retards they wouldn't notice anything. Plus, if you don't calm down, your hair will fall out. _Man, I love that girl. She gets me out of a lot of sticky situations; unfortunately Wise Bella doesn't show up often.

I decided to listen to Wise Bella, and so I sat on the couch with my arms folded, and stewed and schemed and plotted and planned and thought and re-thought and evaluated until finally I had devised a perfect plan that was sure to work. Well, it wasn't completely one hundred percent foolproof. It had a few minor flaws, but they were very minor. Kind of.

By ten pm, Jasper had carried me to my bed and I, being a kind and forgiving person, said 'goodnight' very sweetly and innocently to Edward, who glowered at me. I think it's obvious who the bigger person is.

The next few minutes passed in silence, much to my numerous attempts to start a conversation. I was, in a word, pissed, because I had been looking forward to the night so I could squeeze some answers out of him. Now, however, I was starting to think our first night of twenty questions had been a one-off, and I would never see _that_ Edward again- the one I glimpsed last night during our game. Come to think of it, that Edward had been violent and moody and unfair too. I sighed dejectedly, and decided to make one last attempt to talk to him.

"Hey Edward?" I whispered. "Edward? Edward! Ed! Eddie! Edwardo! Eddie-boy! Eddiekins!"

"What?" He finally snarled from his mattress on the floor. I grinned happily, because I finally got him to answer me! Note to self: He hates 'Eddiekins'. Time to test if they're the worst kidnappers in America, or the worst kidnappers in the world.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Forks, Washington. Now go to sleep!"

_Wow_, I thought, as I lay down. _They really are crap kidnappers. I'm going to have to go with the worst in the world._ That made my plan so much easier, in theory. I knew the name of the place where I was going to be taken…the problem was I just had no idea where it was. Somewhere in the north, obviously. Other than that, I had no clue. My stomach was a jumble of knots and nerves as I went over and over my plan, reworking it in my head again and again.


End file.
